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In an imagined perfect world, everyone we interact with is kind, friendly, thoughtful, attentive, and generous. We would make fun of each other and make each other happy. We were all in a friendly and joyous atmosphere, with no one to disturb us, trouble us, or slander us.

 

However, we do not live in that ideal country. There are always people who drive us crazy. Of course, let's face it, we sometimes drive people crazy. People we don't like are often thoughtless and reckless, often denigrate our character, question our motives, and don't understand our jokes -- but want us to understand their jokes.

 

You might wonder if it's possible to be fair to people who annoy us all the time, or whom we don't want to share a meal with. Or maybe you're wondering if we should learn to like everyone we meet?

According to Robert Sutton, a professor of management science at Stanford University, it's not possible or realistic to build a team of people with all the personalities you need to barbecue in the backyard.

That's why smart people stay away from people they don't like. Here's how they deal with people they don't like.

Accept and admit that you won't like everyone

Sometimes we get into trouble because we want to be friendly. We naively think we can like everyone around us, even if that's impossible. You will inevitably meet difficult people who will disagree with your views. But smart people are well aware of this fact. They clearly recognize that conflict and conflict are the only result of differences in values.

People you don't like may not be intrinsically bad. But the reason you can't get along with him is because you have different values, and those differences create a gulf between you. As long as you accept the fact that not everyone will like you, you won't like everyone around you either, because the fact that you have different values will quickly bring you back from the beautiful world you imagined. Acknowledging differences may help you get along better with those around you.

2. Don't ignore, avoid, and silently tolerate people you don't like

Sure, you may dread his constant duties, fail to understand her bad jokes, or despise the way he hots after his girlfriend all day. While these emotions don't make us like a person, they're not a bad thing. "Behaviourally, liking someone too much is more of a problem than not liking someone too much," says Sutton.

Sutton continues, "You need to have people around you who don't agree with you and who aren't afraid to argue with you. They stop the whole team from making stupid decisions." It may not be easy to tolerate them, but you have to do it. Because those who challenge us often push us to find new points of entry and help motivate the team to succeed. Remember, you are not a perfect person, and others may tolerate you too.

3. Be respectful and polite to people you don't like

 

No matter how you feel about someone else, that person will tune in and reciprocate your attitude and behavior. If you are rude to them, they will throw away all courtesy and respond with rudeness. Therefore, it is everyone's duty to be fair and calm.

Ben Dattner, a management psychologist and author of Blame Others, says: "It's important to develop a diplomatic poker face. You have to be professional and positive in the way you interact with people." In this way you must learn to be neither afraid of power nor servile.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you

It's common for us to have unrealistic expectations of others. We expect others to do and say what we want. However, this is not realistic. "Everyone has personality traits that they are born with that directly determine how they behave," said Alan A. Cavaiola, A Ph.D. student at Monmouth University in New Jersey. Expecting others to do what you want is setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration."

If someone feels the same to you every time, re-evaluate your expectations. This approach will prepare you mentally for the fact that others can't create the surprises you expect. Smart people do this. Smart people don't often make a fuss about the behavior of people they don't like.

5, mature and introverted, pay attention to self-cultivation

 

No matter how hard you try, some people will still make us angry. It's important to learn how to deal with your sense of loss when dealing with people who often annoy you. Instead of trying to fight back and make the other person angry, focus on why you're reacting the way you are. Sometimes when we don't like what other people are doing, they don't approve of what we are doing. Moreover, these people did not cause trouble, they merely promoted it.

Identify the triggers that affect your mood. You'll be more likely to anticipate your reaction, soften it, and even change your attitude. Remember: it is far easier to change your own opinions, attitudes, and behaviors than to ask someone else to change them.

 

Stop what you're doing and take a deep breath

 

Kathleen Bartle, a conflict counselor in California, says there are certain personality traits that make you angry. Maybe your coworker never gets things done on time, or a guy tells you a dirty joke. Think about what makes you angry and who is pushing your boundaries. This way, she continues, you can anticipate and prevent it from happening again.

 

According to her analysis, "If you can stop what you're doing, control the adrenaline, and bring your brain back to its senses, you'll be better able to have a conversation and skip the unhappiness and prejudice." A deep breath and a forgiving step back can help you calm down and prevent you from overreacting. So try to have an open mind and a big heart.

 

7. State your needs and positions

 

If someone annoys you, calmly tell them that their behavior or way of speaking bothers you. Avoid accusatory language and try to use phrases like "You do... . When I feel... ..." The official language of. For example, Cacaiola suggests saying something like, "When you interrupt me in a meeting, I feel like you don't respect what I'm doing." Then you just have to wait and see how he reacts.

 

Then you'll find that those who aren't listening don't know that you're not finished, or that colleagues are interested in your Suggestions and actively participate in the conversation.

 

8. Keep your distance

 

If all else fails, smart people distance themselves from people they don't like. Give yourself a reason and keep your style. If you meet someone at work you don't like, move to another office or sit away from each other in meetings. By keeping your distance and putting yourself in the other person's shoes, you are able to reconnect with those you like and those you don't like without suffering.

 

Of course, if people we don't like could stay away from us, everything would be easier. But we all know that life won't go our way.